That great “ah-ha” moment in aging
Jim Olson
8/19/07-edited 2/5/21
I believe the sheer volume of words put to paper surrounding that moment when a person comes to grips with their own aging and mortality must be obscenely over done. Having said so, I will pretentiously add to that obscenely large collection of thoughts and give you mine.
With the ever increasing years of age, my decreasing eyesight has become proportional to my growing girth at a rate that no purposeful act of self-delusion can ignore….. THAT, my friends, is a defining moment. When self-delusion is finally outdone by reality, it’s time to fess up, order the tri-focals and resign yourself to a pant size closer to your age than your children’s. I believe someone recently quoted Alan Alda’s Hawkeye Pierce character from “MASH” when they exclaimed that “watching me walk away reminded them of two bulldogs in a paperbag”. You can see where the reality of such a succinct statement cannot be deflected any further by self-denial. No, it seems that no one will be cracking an egg on the sharp edge of my backside anywhere in the future. (More self-delusion here that anyone ever could.)
The depth of self-reflection at these defining moments may be good as a practical matter, but damn hard on the soul. Most of us live into and past middle age in a manner not unlike a long term “out-of-body” experience. We glance down only occasionally, increasingly avoid mirrors, and spend an inordinate amount of time subconsciously trying to defy gravity by observing and then attempting to absorb the lightness of youth all around us.
Yes, yes, yes, there are those who painfully exclaim and extol the virtues of their peaceful and sanguine slide through aging and with all due respect, I am not a subscriber. I have no shame in confessing to my past tendency to go kicking and screaming into the night of aging. Those that vociferously profess otherwise have left me wishing to provide them with further happiness in the form of exponentially advancing and ending their blissful trek.
I have more to add but am feeling a bit worn by this effort and the eye strain is more than a bit too ironic not to mention. It’s time for cup of warm tea and to ponder youthful memories, fair health, and my own plan for facing the better side of years to come.